10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting – Part 4

mom dad with baby outsideThis is part four of 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting post based on Laurence Steinberg’s book with the same title. Here are principles seven and eight with their major concepts also listed.

 7. Be consistent. “If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion, or if you enforce them only intermittently, your child’s misbehavior is your fault, not his. Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Identify your non-negotiables. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power, the less your child will challenge it.”

  • “Consistency in your daily routines will breed consistency in your parenting.”
  • Have a united front as a couple especially when your child is young.
  • Figure out what your non-negotiables are then be flexible with the rules while being consistent.

8. Avoid harsh discipline. “Of all the forms of punishment that parents use, the one with the worst side effects is physical punishment. Children who are spanked, hit or slapped are more prone to fighting with other children. They are more likely to be bullies and more likely to use aggression to solve disputes with others.”

  • Don’t be verbally abusive, don’t use physical punishment, and learn to control your anger.
  • The right way to punish includes…
    • Identifying the act that was wrong.
    • Describing the impact of the bad behavior.
    • Suggesting an appropriate alternative behavior.
    • Clearly stating what the punishment will be.
    • Stating your expectation that your child will do better next time.

For more information see:

http://drsticks.com/uploads/Ten_Basic_Principles_of_Good_Parenting.pdf

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10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting – Part 3

daughter kissing momThe following is part three of 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting post based on Laurence Steinberg’s book with the same title. Here are principles five and six with their major concepts listed.

5.  Establish and set rules. “If you don’t manage your child’s behavior when he is young, he will have a hard time learning how to manage himself when he is older and you aren’t around. Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answer these three questions: Where is my child? Who is with my child? What is my child doing? The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules he applies to himself.”

  • All children need structure in their lives and the best way to do this is to establish clear rules and limits.
  • Make sure to establish rules that “make sense, that are appropriate to your child’s age, and that are flexible enough to change as your child matures.”
  • Be firm in making your children keep the rules that have been appropriately set.
  • When children disagree about the rules, the best option, when appropriate, is to come up with a new rule with your child that satisfies both of you.

6.  Foster your child’s independence. “Setting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging independence helps her develop a sense of self-direction. To be successful in life, she’s going to need both. Accepting that it is normal for children to push for autonomy is absolutely key to effective parenting. Many parents mistakenly equate their child’s independence with rebelliousness or disobedience. Children push for independence because it is part of human nature to want to feel in control rather than to feel controlled by someone else.”

  • When allowing autonomy remember to pick the battles that really matter, limit your child’s options to ones that you approve of, praise the decisions your child makes, help your child think through decisions, and let them learn from their mistakes.
  • Toddlers and early adolescents go through stages where they argue about wanting more autonomy. To cope with this, it is best to allow them more autonomy, by following the guidelines above, to help them feel more independent.
  • Give your child psychological space; don’t “constantly hover” and undermine their sense of self-confidence.
  • When children request to do something out of the ordinary, keep this principle in mind, “protect when you must, but permit when you can.”

For more information see:

http://drsticks.com/uploads/Ten_Basic_Principles_of_Good_Parenting.pdf

Steinberg, L. D. (2005). The ten basic principles of good parenting New York : Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, 2005, c2004; 1st Simon & Schuster Paperbacks ed.

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10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting – Part 2

good parentingPart 2 of the post “10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting” based on Laurence Steinberg’s book with the same title. Here are principles three and four with their major concepts.

3.  Be involved in your child’s life. “Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs you to do. Be there mentally as well as physically.”

  • Quality time isn’t about what you are doing with your child but occurs when you (the parent) are fully there with your child. Quality time occurs when you are really engaged with them.
  • Strive to develop an interest in what your child likes to do. As a result, you will spend more time with your child and increase bonding with him.
  • Be involved in your child’s schooling over the course of their education. Connecting to them in this way shows that education is important to you and will be to the child as well.

4.  Adapt your parenting to fit your child. “Make sure your parenting keeps pace with your child’s development. You may wish you could slow down or freeze-frame your child’s life, but this is the last thing he wants. You may be fighting getting older, but all he wants is to grow up. The same drive for independence that is making your three-year-old say ‘no’ all the time is what’s motivating him to be toilet trained. The same intellectual growth spurt that is making your 13-year-old curious and inquisitive in the classroom also is making her argumentative at the dinner table.”

  • Children are born with different temperaments or unique personalities. Since temperament influences the way a child will respond to anything and everything, you need to modify your parenting to fit your child’s individual temperament.
  • Every child is unique. Siblings have different talents, interests, and goals. You should alter your parenting practices to fit the specific needs of the child no matter how successful your former practices were with your other children.
  • Remember to be patient when your children are going through developmental transitions and times of rapid growth (physical and psychological).
  • Learn to accept that your role as a parent will change as your child gets older. Framing these changes in a positive light will make these transitions easier for you and help you see their importance for your child.

For more information see:

http://drsticks.com/uploads/Ten_Basic_Principles_of_Good_Parenting.pdf

Steinberg, L. D. (2005). The ten basic principles of good parenting New York : Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, 2005, c2004; 1st Simon & Schuster Paperbacks ed.

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https://expertbeacon.com/sites/default/files/good_parenting_can_help_prevent_teens_from_using_drugs_and_alcohol.jpg