Scribit Veritas

Protecting the Child, Preserving the Family, and Honoring Life

Welcome to the Blog page of the American College of Pediatricians.  Each issue of the Blog is intended to assist parents, encourage children, and enrich the family.  Read our most recent issue below, and scroll to the bottom of this page to read earlier issues.

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Kindness Could Save Your Marriage

kind loveI ran across this article and immediately knew it was worth sharing! Marriage is hard. Everybody knows it. It seems like fewer people are willing to stick it out anymore. Divorce rates are getting higher while the rate of people getting married in the first place is going down. If there was a secret that could help save your marriage, would you want to hear it? According to this article, the secret is simply being kind and generous to your spouse. Really? Could it be that simple?

The truth of the matter is that being kind and generous is something that we are encouraged to do no matter what. But if you went out of your way to show that effort and generosity to your spouse, what do you think the results would be? In my experience, it is hard to fight with someone who is being kind to you. Just the simple act of being kinder could dissolve more fights, prevent arguments from happening in the first place, and really help improve the quality of the relationship.

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It’s Bound to Happen at Some Point…

family conflictConflict. Troubles. Trials. Issues. Whatever you call them, they are bound to hit you and your family at one point or another. We can’t escape them, despite our greatest efforts. The key though is to come out of our problems better than when we went into them. Sometimes it requires extra effort as a family to have healthier means of communication, follow-up with decisions that are made, and to celebrate the successes that happen together.

A suggestion to help your family get through the tough times and enjoy more good times is to hold regular family councils. This is a regular, but special, meeting where all family members come together to discuss one thing. Often times, the head of the household, will give everyone a few days notice of the meeting and what topic/event/experience is going to be discussed. That night, if you are a religious family, open with a family prayer. Otherwise, the dad would express love to everyone, how much he admires everyone in the family, and how grateful he is to have everyone in attendance that night. During this meeting, everyone is allowed a chance to speak their feelings about what happened or is currently going on. There are no interruptions so they feel respected and heard by all of the other family members. It is important to reach a consensus as a family, not a compromise (this would mean that one person doesn’t agree and then it won’t get the desired results). The decision can be about what the next step is for them as a family in this particular circumstance. After a consensus has been made, end with a prayer (if religious) and have a refreshment. The refreshment serves as a way to change the dynamic from serious and thought-provoking to light-hearted and fun.

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Mental Health

mental healthAs society goes in the direction to being busier, always in a hurry, with people spreading themselves too thin, we are also seeing an increase in mental health issues among children. Rather than reflexively prescribing a medication and popping a pill, we need to take the time to teach our children how to cope with difficult situations. Times will be tough. That will never change. Pills won’t ever make them go away. What can help though is a good support system. Love your children unconditionally, show them by example how to deal with something that may be hard, and be there to talk when they need you to listen.

If you need some ideas on how to support the youth and their mental well-being, check out this site! It is full of information for parents, youth, and even professionals.

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Love the Imperfections

mom and baby beautyMoms, do you ever feel you are expected to be a certain way, act a certain way, and have a certain look? Society puts so much pressure on living this pinterest-worthy perfect life. When a speck of dirt or hair is out of place just one time, you are considered “a mess”. Good news,  moms all over the world! Imperfect is just enough! Being a mom is a hard job. Day after day, we are yelled at, peed on, and sometimes even thrown up on. Yet, somehow, we are supposed to keep a house perfectly clean, look perfect every single day and still get to book group on time (with the book read, mind you!). Then…I read this blog post written by a mom. Immediately, I felt the burden lifted of striving for perfect. Motherhood isn’t about being perfect. Life isn’t about always having it all together all of the time. Life gets messy sometimes. We go through hard times and sometimes we can’t do it all alone.

It is so important for moms all over to remember that you are enough. You are doing your best and you are just fine. When life gets hard, feel confident in yourself..but don’t be afraid to ask for help from those you trust. It isn’t a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you are normal and doing your best. Rest assured that you are not alone.  

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Marriage & Divorce

marriage and divorce

The CDC’s statistics have shown that from the year 2000-2012, marriage rates are actually going down. Meaning, not as many people are “tying the knot” as they used to. Between those same years, they did see a decline in divorces and annulments as well. That is good news, right? It is, but not when you combine with the decline in marriages actually happening to begin with. What is happening in society to be causing the numbers to fall?

We live in a world that is telling our young people that marriage isn’t worth making sacrifices for and putting forth effort into. Instead, they are living together. That way, when a conflict arises, they can go their separate ways and not have any legal issues or difficulties like they could if they had been married and wanted a divorce. It seems harmless, but what is this teaching the younger generations? It teaches them to take an easy way out, to live under unstable conditions, and that people are disposable in their life. It does not help them learn how to handle conflict in a healthy way because they just pack up and leave when it gets tough. Being in a committed marriage, individuals learn perseverance, unconditional love, and conflict management. Sometimes it can be hard to share your whole life with someone else, especially if they are different from you in any way. That is one of the beauties about marriage though. It provides opportunities for growth, change, and compromise. It encourages a person to take the high road and fix a problem rather than to just duck out and leave.

Teach your child the importance and beauty of being in a marriage. It is important for the couple as well as for any future children they may have.

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Questions Leading to Happiness

happy children

We all want to raise happier children. Nobody wants ornery faces in their home. How do we, as parents, encourage optimism though? An article in the Huffington Post suggests asking your children these 11 questions:

1. What was your favorite part of today?
2. What are you grateful for?
3. What are you going to do about that?
4. How did that make you feel?
5. What do you think he/she feels?
6. How can we look on the bright side?
7. What part of that can we learn more about?
8. What do you want to do on the weekend?
9. What can we do to help/to make someone happy?
10. What do you want to do outside today?
11. When do you feel happiest?

Can you see how these questions would encourage positive results? Maybe as your child is younger, they would take some nudging. As they get older though, they’ll be able to understand and internalize their answers more.

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Can Money Buy You Happiness?

money buy happinessIt’s a big debate that will usually bring a moment of silence when the question is asked, “Can money buy happiness?” Well, the truth is, that it can. But what are we spending our money on that is giving us this happiness? I came across an article that said when you buy a new object, it gives you only temporary happiness because you adapt to it after a certain period of time. What if instead of buying an object, you were to buy an experience? It will still give you happiness but can also create a memory?

My husband and I have recently discussed giving less material objects for presents and instead giving our children more experiences that we can do as a family. It might take a few years to get used to for our kids, but we are going to give it a try. If we take more trips together, spend more time together, those are the things our kids are going to remember. They are probably going to forget which book they got at which holiday and why they wanted that doll so badly. They won’t ever forget the vacations we take them on and the things we give them opportunities to experience.

What are your thoughts about this?

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Pajama Party!!

pajama party

Friday night at our house is Pajama Party Night! This is the one night a week that my kids get to stay up late, watch a bunch of movies, and have a few treats that we don’t typically consume during the week. We started doing this when my kids were old enough and started school. We wanted something fun for them to do at home to get the weekend started and just relax after a week of school and homework. Eventually this became something they wanted to invite a friend to. Some years, their birthday party was even a Pajama Party. They absolutely look forward to Friday night every week!

While our kids do enjoy watching movies and eating treats, they love it even more when my husband and I join in on the fun with them. Life can get hectic for parents and sometimes it is nice to have something that takes the attention of the kids without the parents having to be involved. My kids sure get excited when my husband and I join them though. What do you like to do with your kids? Are you spending enough time with them? I encourage you to put down the phone, turn off the computer, and give your family your undivided attention. Make some good memories!

 

 

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Overprotective

overprotectiveIt is natural to want to protect your children from anything negative in this world. It can be taken too far though. Not only will you prevent your child from experiencing what could be important and life-changing experiences, you can create a fear in them that whatever your fear is should be their own fear as well. For example, because I have a fear of heights, I naturally will keep my children away from high places because it is scary for me, personally. All this is doing is telling my children that they should be afraid of heights. Does that make sense?

What can we do about this? It is natural for everyone of all ages to have fears. Is it right to instill our fears into our children though? Or should we let them experience life and find their fears on their own? It can be so hard to let go of our children and let them see the world through their own eyes. How do we do it?

Let Go……

Let go and allow your children to fall, make mistakes, experience rejection, feel jealousy and suffer defeat.

Let go and watch them grow in confidence, skill, responsibility and emotional intelligence as they learn from all life has to offer them.

Let go of your attachment to be an overprotective parent and find constructive ways to release yourself from your fears before you give them to your children. Get professional help if your fearfulness is debilitating.”

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The Family in Society

happy familyWilliam Bennett wrote an article for the New York Times, entitled “Stronger Families, Stronger Societies”. In it, he discusses that the way to make society function properly is to make the family unit stronger. It is the base unit of any community and is what society revolves around. As a result, we find that when society begins to suffer, we see that the family is suffering even more. The two are directly linked. People talk politically about making the world a better place to live but are they recognizing the need to make life better for the family? As we observe the digression, we can only wonder what more can be done. I think that it needs to start in our very own family. As parents, and future parents, we have the power to make a difference in this world by making a difference in our homes. Take the time to teach your family about how important they are, ways that they can be successful, and how to pass that on to future generations. If we each took the time to take care of our own family, don’t you think the world would be a better place? Imagine it! Everyone is happier, people are kinder, marriages are stronger and families are better. All of these results just because we love and take care of our own family.

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