In my family, like in many others, my husband and I share different roles. Generally I’m the nurturer and he’s the provider. There are also different tasks we complete. For example, I cook and deep clean while he folds laundry and bathes the baby. When things get stressful and tiring we oftentimes find ourselves playing the “who does more?” game. Of course this leads to frustration and feeling unappreciated on both sides.
To help your marriage run more smoothly try getting rid of the competition. When you feel inclined to stack up your efforts against your spouse’s, instead recognize what they are doing. Tell them you notice and appreciate what they do. I recently started writing down small things I notice my husband doing to help our family to function throughout the day. It has changed my perspective tremendously. I am noticing things I had never appreciated before. As I have shown more appreciation for my husband, my feelings have been reciprocated too.
In marriage, you and your spouse are teammates, not rivals. If we work together, the things we can accomplish are great.